A Little More on Facebook

I may have been a little harsh on facebook the other day.  It is easy for me to re-direct all of my insecurities and frustrations and make whatever is most accessible and a scapegoat.  That is not to say I would take back what I wrote, I believe in what I said, I would not have written it otherwise but it is not a blanket statement. 

My facebook time is always brief.  I scan the postings like reading classified adds, looking for buzz words to pop up before I take a closer look at who, what, when, where, etc... and as such it is, essentially, a non entity in my life.  My frustration stems from the "sound bites" that catch my attention.  It will never cease to amaze me the kinds of things people say in a public forum with the blanket assumption that everyone will agree with them.  Political, religious, social issues raised with the expectation of agreement.

Now, before anyone gets hostile or defensive, hear me out, briefly.  I know the expectations of opinionated statements by virtue of the level of defense leveled at anyone who dares contradict the author.  This is not a inclusive of facebook, Bellingham, were I live, is the poster child of half thought, knee jerk, narrow minded, social causes.  I say narrow minded because once someone has prescribed to the movement of the month they are blind to discussion, debate, and ulterior thinking.  Facebook reeks with those same qualities and draws down our social thinking/interacting to sound bites.  One off sentences from which we expect to stay connected.

What I was trying to say the other day, and perhaps I am beating my own dead horse, is that we are connecting more to sentences that people and the facebook profiles we work so hard to curate become caricatures of who we are or who we used to know.

Of course meaningful relationships can be renewed and maintained on facebook.  It is easy to share photos with grandparents or check in with family overseas.  As I said, it has brought me a great measure of joy to see old friends get married and become parents and lead generally successful lives but facebook is a shadow of who they are behind which  of the complexity and excitement of relationship is hidden.

I stand by what I have written but recognize the value of facebook.  For my part it will be what it will be, shadows of people I only know now through the Internet.  Connected but not really a part of life.  On one hand I wonder at the value of the connections but that wonder is moot in the nature of our society, using social networking as a crutch to limp through the lost relationships in our lives.

Facebook

For the past couple of months I have been slowly weaning myself of facebook.  Perhaps that is not quite accurate, I have let facebook fade from who I am.  I heard a writer on the radio recently, Diablo Cody, say she thought facebook was keeping people too connected with their past, clinging to relationships that "should have ended 15 years ago."  For me, right now, that is where I am at as well. 

I have enjoyed seeing old friends, glancing at what they are doing with their lives, who they have become, their joy as they discover parenthood and the miracle of their children and this is fun and insightful and pretty soon we are all commenting in heartfelt prattle or chiding in with glib remarks and then feel empty with unresolved posts or offensive jokes or the socio-political double standard in which we live, free to comment our way but defensive at comments your way.  I have never thought of my self as a voyeur, have always lived quietly behind the scenes, a hard and fast introvert, but facebook as brought out in me something strange.

When I spend time on facebook searching my past, looking into others present, liking this that and the other thing for the sake of public affirmation that yes I like whisky, beer, wine, and food, and mountain biking and reading and local stores that cater to my whims and political movements for which I would never carry a sign in person, and I shut it down to move on with the here and now and the pressing issues at hand -- like work and bills -- it feels as though I am emerging from a smoke screen but the heat of the fire is real and damaging and all the connections I have made are made through that smoke screen and lost the human element of sincerity and compassion and while I find joy in your children as well and cry with your losses and empathize with your plights and love your clever jokes and word play as soon as I entomb it in facebook it feels cheapened and dead.

Before I continue, this is how I feel and not a blanket statement.  There are some who are perfectly content to live their relationships through facebook and leach onto social media with a frenzied passion and dedication to staying connected and being in your life.  For some people this is not a problem and is, in fact, healthy.  More power to you, keep on keepin' on with what gives you life.  Just be sure what you are getting is life and not a caricature of human interaction.  Because facebook has become a receptacle for the mundane minutia of our everyday lives and that is some how translated into a justification of our weakness, our fears, our insecurities turned interesting footnotes to the greater context of our lives.  Footebook does not have the same ring to it as facebook.

I would like to say goodbye to facebook but that would be a lie on my part.  While I rarely contribute to anybodies posts or profiles or thoughts or pictures, or to my profile therein, it is still a part of the social conscience in which we live.  Facebook has become as much a part of the our daily vernacular as cell phones, email, and craigslist.  It is hear to stay but I don't have to particularly like it.