Work vs. Work

Its strange being unemployed. Spending hours and days and weeks and finally months searching for work--editing resumes and cover letters, networking, bullshitting with people in your preferred industry or profession--and when work finally formalizes there is still the subtle dread of spending a day at work.

I believe that, as humans, we are created to work. To enter into co-creation with our creator to, erm, create something new. This is the base nature of work. Most jobs, in their purest sense, revolve around a new creation being set in motion to enter into society. It is a stretch for some of the products to fit this bill, but basically, work is a process of creation--it is doing something we are meant to be doing. I understand, believe, and pursue this goal. However it doesn't change the fact that going to work, irregardless of how long i have or have not been employed, still triggers a negative cognitive response. And, really, it is more the hanging feeling of disappointment or something very near it as I drive to a job after a long lay-off.

Now, the irony is that I want to work. I spend a lot of time and energy doing the job search thing and being unemployed has been extremely challenging so as work does come available it is a strange mental place I myself in. Confused and frustrated, it is hard to produce the best work available in this state. Not all work is like this for me, some projects come my way that are interesting and challenging and engaging in a unique way like building storm window frames or remodeling a garage that is on the verge of collapse. Fun, unique projects that stretch my imagination and broaden my skill sets. Others, like installing vents or finishing small framing projects are tedious and boring and no matter how much I need the work every fiber of my mind cries out to be finished.

When I work for the sake of working, take whatever job comes my way irregardless of the nature of the project, it is like a cancer in my conscience that darkness my mood quickly and dramatically. When I work at something that engages me creatively and draws on skills and abilities to learn new skills and abilities and uses unique applications of my experience and talents work becomes what it was meant to be all along: co-creation with the creator.