This has been another season of life relearning how to cope with unemployment. The emotional toll and mental stress invoked on men and women who are generally dependable, hardworking, honest people doing their best to contribute to society and provide for their families is dramatic. As we, the unemployed, comb the job market for prospects it is with the knowledge that for every job we see and assume we can do, there are dozens of other people looking at the same job with the same assumptions, motivations, and qualifications. The job search is a taxing and frustrating process made even more so by desperation and, often times, and undeserved sense of humiliation and rejection given rise by virtue of the situation. It is, however, also a chance to begin to re-invent identity and purpose, pursuing some of the things en masse that otherwise are weekend hobbies or passions shunted to the back of the mind collecting dust and atrophying from disuse and neglect.
I have written before of the way I identify myself with my job/occupation. This identity isn't, necessarily, something I've longed or dreamed for, but it gives purpose and title to the long hours spent away from my family in pursuit of financial gain and, to some extent, justifies the work I pursue. For a while now I've identified myself as a carpenter and secondary to that is the rest of my life but as the way I provide for my family and align with society, it has been who I am: Carpenter -- wood worker, framer, finisher, craftsman. It is fair to say that embraced this title/identity and became what I did, letting go of the aspirations of a potential writer and avid reader. The necessity to provide for my growing family took precedence and I committed fully to being a carpenter, a craftsman, in pursuit of whatever excellence I could find therein. I don't regret my career path, I have learned a tremendous amount about the industry and I can speak with authority to the process and craft of building and construction. Carpentry has been a fair way to make a living and provide for my family but recently it has been a casualty of the "great recession" and opportunities to advance and get ahead have been limited and sparse and the great majority of local contractors have let their true colors show with questionable business practices, poor wages, and a cut throat approach to employees and margins.
(I am not a small business owner so it is easy for me to criticize and condemn from where I sit. It is important to clarify that they have to make their living as well and it would be unfair to say that they are only out for their benefit. It isn't necessarily true and I appreciate their need to make a living the same as me. That said, it has become common practice, at least locally, to treat employees as dispensable and to cheapen the value of skilled tradesmen to such an extent that when those of us who are unemployed find a job we are often taking a dramatic hit on what our labor and experience is worth to the point that working as a carpenter is rapidly loosing its viability as a way to raise and provide for a family.)
It is in this context that I find myself with a little time and a chance to pursue some of the lost aspirations of my life. So, for now, I write and I ride and I spend time with my family.
With my identity in flux and the structure of a steady job eliminated I have experienced, in the past, the detriment a block of time with little or no focus can have on my mental state. So it was important to me to establish a routine early in my most recent lay-off. That routine starts in the morning, getting everyone ready for the day and helping my wife maintain her routine but still being available to help with the boys as I was able and was necessary. My routine has remained in tact for four weeks now, leaving the house around 9 a.m. to write (at least 1,500 words a day or three pages and more if I can, but my daily minimum is 1,500 words) then home for lunch and job search in the afternoon and a spin on Galbraith with my mt. bike every other day or so. Remaining rigid to my writing schedule but flex able in everything else as to spend time with the boys and my wife and, as much as possible in the growing stress and financial anxiety, enjoying the opportunity to pursue writing and riding and family.
Once I find a job each of the things I'm able to give focus to, now, will take a hit and my structure will have to be re-vamped to accommodate work but I hope to maintain a newly invented identity as writer, husband, father, rider and not simply carpenter. I am no longer content to be simply carpenter, life is so much more complex and engaging than that. I have done some writing that I am truly excited about, seen my level of riding take a big leap -- in fitness at least -- and spent some quality and purposeful time with my wife and my kids. So much more important than a life of work.
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