A Long Period of Unemployment

The past two-ish months have been filled with long days. Settling into the cycle of unemployment and swallowing your pride as help filters in along the way has been exhausting. Really, almost as challenging as working. No, more. The stress levels involved with unemployment makes work related stress look like a day at the spa. There are, of course, peaks and valleys. Some days epitomize despair and frustration and some days are an emotional flat line. But the over reaching feeling is frustration. Gradually i have seen my confidence (in finding a job) levels plummet, the want adds are laced with jobs i am either not qualified for or pay so little it makes unemployment insurance look like a golden ticket.

The job market is discouraging. The process of career counselling and rethinking what it is i want to do for a job is also a bit discouraging. I am really searching for my vocation, a career that, not only am i well suited for, i am passionate about and excited about. I had thought of teaching, i wrote last week or the week before that my mind was settled. Well, the Bellingham school district just let go of over 100 teachers. An old friend posted a news clip on Facebook and the headline read 1000's of Oregon teachers without jobs. No one is hiring carpenters but I'm not too interested in that. Identifying my passions is a challenging process. Balancing interests with realistic job prospects is a must for me and my family, i can't go through retraining only to land in an empty job market flooded with applicants. There is a sense of impatience and urgency building pressure within but i feel no closer to moving on than i did two months ago. All I've got is a long list of rejected resumes.

Excitement at a time of change gave way to frustration and despair and now the frustration and despair share mental space with acceptance and all three emotion groups continue to swap back and forth and weave a strange web in my mind. I am almost trapped in a web of my creation and am beginning to lack the confidence or energy to cut my way out.