Moving, working, life ticking forward. Sometimes it seems like everything is connected to a giant time bomb about to go off at any minute and life's urgency drives us forward in an epic race to beat the timer and stop the explosion. I'm finding that with children in school (my oldest is in preschool and will go to kindergarten next year) a new layer is added to the chaos. Getting married changed everything, having kids changed it again. Getting them into school has changed it all yet again. Nothing will ever be the same. From here on out its school lunches and after school activities and pretty soon there will be conferences and fund raisers and school friends and playground fights and cliques and gangs and sports and grades.
So i guess this is growing up.
It all happens whether we are content or not. Whether we find fulfillment in jobs, in hobbies, in whatever surrounds us. Making the change, to pursue human passions, is complicated that much more once kids are in school. Layer up layer of be here and go there until we've sliced off slivers like a layered cake and make our way through each one. I don't want to be a carpenter for ever but every day i continue to swing a hammer i feel like the move to another career is going to be just that much more complicated.
My goal has been to go to a career counselor at Western Washington University--they have a program for alumni--and it is still the plan but things seem to be lining up to put that off another week here and there and soon I'm a month behind what i was originally planning and it is my fault. I am an opportunist and committed to putting food on the table and making sure we have the rent, so here i sit, a bit burned out, but having pulled a bit more carpentry than i expected and career counselling is still in the future.
It is becoming very real, very fast, that as we grow--this family matures and evolves--we become embedded in our world based on the situations and opportunities that are available to us. We make plans for the future based on the present, that's all we have to work with. I am ready for a change. I have been for some time. But it seems that with each passing day i commit a little more to the status quo. I have a responsibility to provide for my family, in-
doubtingly, a responsibility i don't begrudge or regret. But i have a yearning for something bigger than what I'm doing now.
This week we are moving into a new house. Next week is a clean slate, i have nothing planned and no work lined up. Perhaps now is the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment