Running in Sand

I don't particularly like talking/writing about sports. I don't have a deep vernacular to draw from and so my language always feels flat and dry and the physical act of writing about sports is like running through sand for me. Even the sports i really enjoy and participate in, i find it terribly difficult to write about them. I suppose i can talk about it ad-noseum but writing is another beast altogether. So, if you read my thoughts on American Football and were disgusted and bemused then not to worry, i do not digress into sports often.

But then, i don't have a lot of responsibility to anyone, per say, for what i write. I find that i write what's weighing on my mind. If nothing is prominent and available then the very act of writing is like running through deep sand, not just writing about sports.

I work on this blog pretty early in the morning, its 6 am right now, and i don't think that my facilities are always fully lucid. I think I've touched on this before, but if i wait to write the day has contaminated my thoughts and the baggage of the grind is to heavy to bring to the computer. A fine balance between the lingering effects of sleep and the corrupted events of the day. The mind is a strange and beautiful thing, that God designed me to think and act on those thoughts and express those thoughts from the depth of my mind and the breadth--limited though it maybe--of my experience. One informing the other, constantly, giving rise to my character and personality. Thankfully people change, we emerge from high school one way and from college another and after 5 to 10 years in the real world we have changed again and again and again. The capacity to adapt to the world around is generally attributed to the resourceful animals that make their homes in the heart of urban America but I'm beginning to believe this is also a great attribute of humanity, that we can survive any number of catastrophes and setbacks to emerge well suited to rebuilding and moving forward.

Perhaps it is a bye product of the nature of life. There comes a point at which there is nothing to do but wake up the next day, the sun rises again, it always rises again, to begin another day. And that is life, one day at a time. That is all we are capable of living, try as we might to map out the future with concrete plans and expectations.

This living one day at a time has been life for my family for the past two or three months. My boss told me to expect to be laid-off before Christmas but he has kept me working, through the holidays, the new year, and we are fast approaching February and the work keeps coming. I don't question it, honestly, i am prepared to show up today and have it be my last, but i don't dwell on the fact. Honestly, with work right now, i don't put today with yesterday or tomorrow, today is today and yesterday is over and I'll deal with tomorrow come what may. I have no capacity to live more than one day at a time and if i did, i certainly don't have the energy.

I can only run so far in the deep sand.