Mornings

One of the curious things about being unemployed is the way a schedule deteriorates right before your eyes. I was able to hold it together for a few days, a couple of weeks even, but presently the lack of meaningful work or urgency to get anywhere early became the catalyst for my schedule to crumble away like yet Sheetrock. It is almost as messy too.

I used to feel so much more connected to friends, industry, the world at large. The mornings driving to work, listening to the news on the radio, the community gossip at lunch, a feeling for the town as I drove through neighborhoods before and after work. But now it is a blur. I have no idea what is happening in the world, the setting I once depended on for news is gone, there is a vague understanding of an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico but I don't think I really heard about it until the other day--until someone posted some anti BP videos on facebook, ironically enough.

It has been apparent, for sometime, that my sense of routine and order were falling apart and my feeble attempts to hold it together were completely inadequate and lacked real conviction. Honestly, I don't see that changing all that much until I actually get a job. Today, though, is an anomaly, it is a quarter to 7 and I've been up since 6.

There is a peaceful quality to mornings that i appreciate, that i thrive on actually. A time before the family is up and the serenity of the day is shattered (not in a bad way). At one time I thrived on quiet mornings, me and a cup of coffee and this blog, lately that has fallen away. It takes a morning like this, up for no reason in particular, to remind myself of the importance this time has.

I wish I could write something earth shattering and profound on my blog, something that would rock the foundation of beliefs and values and make people reanalyze their lives. Perhaps someday I will. For now I'm locked tightly on my own insular struggle, pushing as best I can forward and into the great unknown of the future.