Pleasures: Big and Small

More and more i find myself retreating into quiet moments of solitude and peace. Perhaps these are the simpler pleasures in life, perhaps this how parents learn to survive the childhood years. As I've been at home more and more and more I've found myself invested heavily into solitude. The demands of a five year old and a 10 month old will take their toll, it is a slow draw from within that sucks love and energy and compassion and grace dry.

I will always love my children. But the capacity for patience is not indefinite and needs time to recharge. This is, it must be, what my wife has been telling me for five and a half years. I finally understand her need for alone time, quiet time, and rest time. Not only that, but time with friends as well. The socialization of others, the opportunity to be invested in community, away from the insistent demands of children and husband. Moms, i know what your talking about! So i have discovered, there are the big pleasures in life and the small pleasures in life.

The big pleasures, for me, are on the lines of mt. biking and fishing. Out, away, involved and completely lost in something that brings excitement, danger, and pure joy to me. Since my re-introduction to mt. biking three or four years ago i have become slightly obsessed with the sport and with the recent acquisition of a new bike i am more excited than i have been in some time. Honestly, my new transition covert has taken me to the next level and i can not say how pleased i am with this bike or how much more fun I'm having every time i hit the mountain and all i want to do is ride. I've lost interest in running, soccer, fishing, anything other than riding. If i am going to expend energy away from home it is going to be on my bike. But the big excitement is not always available or practical, i do have two kids and a wife and in all reality my lifestyle is wrapped around them--their needs and their agenda--and within that i have to find much simpler pleasures to keep my sanity in check.

I am not a fallow person, i have an active mind and industrious energy and being home for long swaths of time is not a comfortable scenario for me. So i ride as often as possible but i have to find other ways of keeping my sanity. I've discovered the simple joy of quiet mornings with hot coffee and an open schedule. I have got to say that there is nothing like them. I have always needed time in the morning and have never understood how people can roll out of bed a half hour before work and walk out the door. I need time to collect myself, drink coffee, make breakfast and lunch, wake up, time to myself. It is important to me that i get up early and have that time but what I've been finding now that I've been at home is that i need that time mid morning too and if I'm still home, mid afternoon as well. I identify a lot more with the stay-at-home-mom and will never take for granted a missed nap again.