Time Alone

For those of you in cyberspace who had been reading my blog regularly, semi regularly, or ever so occasionally i am sorry to have fallen so dramatically off the pace of writing. In all honesty i have a very finicky and fickle muse and he likes it just so to write. My routine and morning discipline has fallen to absolute shit and the quiet dark hour of morning that used to belong to me has been or'ran by sleep and faltering motivation. I am deeply frustrated that i have stopped being so prolific on my blog, i had loved the productivity and the writing and the sense of focus it generated in the mornings and i am trying to get back into the rhythm of "up 'n at 'em" and onto this blog.

Honestly, being unemployed takes a great deal more energy that being employed. The constant focus on job searching and parenting and scheduling out my days to maintain productivity is so much more difficult than waking up, making breakfast, then going to work. Though my work was often physically demanding and at times a dour bore it was comforting and simple to maintain the routine--at collect the pay check!

Ultimately my day doesn't start properly if i don't get up before the boys. To wake up and begin parenting... I am an introvert and the time i carve out for myself in the mornings is critical to my day and the moments of alone time in the morning can not be replaced by other chunks of time during the day, i don't know why that is, but it is never the same. We can't relive time, we can't make up for lost moments, we can't defy who we are and what we need. What we can do is discover a balance between our needs and the needs of those around us.

Emergency workers--EMT's, firefighters, Paramedics, Police officers--learn that in any situation they have to be safe to care for others. That is a good lesson for people in all walks of life. To care for those around us, we have to first care for our selves.